Uncomfortable questions and comparisons are likely to arise. The in-law situation becomes especially taxing in subsequent marriages, particularly when both partners bring a child into the new relationship. Whose house do you go to for Thanksgiving? Statistically, two of these in-law couples could be divorced so that could add another pair of in-laws this new couple may have to appease.
If one of the partners is marrying for the third time and had a child with the previous two spouses, the mathematical permutation of potential in-laws is beyond this liberal arts graduate. Children keep tenuous marriages together. While natural children are binding agents in first marriages, step-children are often divisive factors in subsequent unions. Many parents struggle with managing their natural offspring; nearly all stepparents are frustrated with dealing with their step-kids.
A major problem in blended families is partners not supporting each other with regard to the management of their respective natural children. Some ex-spouses are pleased to see their ex enter a new relationship—especially if it could result in fewer legal motions being filed or reduced child support and alimony payments. This adds emotional and financial tension to the new partnership. Another sad, but unfortunately common ploy, is to negatively lobby the child against the new partner.
This tends to make problem 2 worse. Communicate effectively Accept responsibility for your role in a disagreement. Embrace your role as a stepparent The role of the stepparent is one of an adult friend, mentor, and supporter rather than a disciplinarian.
Learn new strategies and share your ideas with your partner. When stepparents feel unappreciated or disrespected by their stepchildren, they will have difficulty bonding with them — causing stress for the stepfamily. Attune to your partner Eye contact and body posture demonstrate your intention to listen and compromise. Practicing what Dr. John Gottman calls emotional attunement while relaxing together can help you stay connected despite your differences.
Practice forgiveness Accept that we all have flaws. Clark , a psychologist in Washington, D. Talking about your past will help you understand each other, and resolve guilt, fear and jealousy about past loves.
Learn about your similarities and differences, hopes and dreams. Familiarity with what went wrong in the past will help you recognize problems before you repeat them. But most couples in second marriages also bring children with them which means that along with all the romance comes practical aspects of managing not just one, but two families.
News U. One ex may feel like they pay too much in support, while the other ex feels that they are paid too little. And even if money is bountiful, there can still be issues. For example: Contemplating early retirement? In-laws, and extended family in general, are difficult enough. In-Law relations, family past and present, become especially challenging in subsequent marriages, particularly when both spouses bring children into the new marriage.
Whose house do you go to for Christmas? Then, two of these in-law couples could be divorced as well, adding yet another pair of in-laws. Like cells they just keep breaking off, replicating, and expanding.
If one of the spouses in a third marriage has children from their previous two marriages, the mathematic variation of potential extended-family complications just expands. Be wary of these many pitfalls and deal with any issues head on. Be aware, be communicative, and be patient. You CAN be a success story! Break the wheel! Skew the statistics! I share honest, raw, non-judgmental advice and support to help you get through your divorce unscathed.
Survive Divorce is reader-supported. Some links may be from our sponsors. Turns out, there are many reasons why second and third marriages fail.
Divorce Baggage Having been through a wrenching emotional experience, one might be wary of fully opening their heart to a new love.
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