When we chase the normal we lose sight of the natural. Natural is the new normal. We all have traits -- physical, intellectual, emotional, etc. The Ego says that differences are flaws that should be hidden. The truth is that what makes you different is your superpower. You just haven't learned how to harness the power yet. Instead of hiding your weirdness, learn how to use it. Your shyness, for example, might make you a better listener. Your awkward laugh might make you endearing. Our quirks, when we master them, contain great power.
When you try to fit into somebody else's mold the results will be mediocre. Nobody pays money to see the expected; they pay money to see the captivating. Your true self, by its very nature, is captivating.
People won't remember the thing you did that everybody can do, but they will remember the thing you did that only you can do. In a world where conformity is the easiest option, authenticity is in high demand. Deep down everyone wants to be more real, but we are all afraid to be the first one. When you start living as your true self, weirdness and all, you give permission to those around you to do the same.
We might not say it out loud, but everyone wants to see your honest self. We are starving for realness. Every great creative breakthrough -- artistic, musical, scientific, etc.
Embracing your weirdness gives you a new perspective, and the world needs a new perspective. Innovation does not happen within the status quo. Innovation happens when outsiders challenge the status quo with weird ideas.
Everyone has unique characteristics. Allowing ourselves to express these unique characteristics makes us feel good. But hiding our unique characteristics, and resisting our natural self, makes us feel less good, and makes our personalities darker.
Just like a black hole results from the absence of a star, so also the resistance to our unique qualities, however weird, results in a dark and inverted projection of self. Many people who conform do so for fear of being lonely.
But standing out will not make you lonely -- far from it. May 6, , pm EDT. May 6, , am EDT. May 5, , am EDT. Apr 29, , pm EDT. Apr 22, , pm EDT. Apr 22, , am EDT. Apr 18, , am EDT. Apr 17, , pm EDT. Apr 8, , pm EDT. Edit Story. Mar 17, , am EDT. Tweet This. Bruce Upbin. We do tell ourselves stories, and it matters what type of stories we tell ourselves. The people I met for my book told themselves more positive stories about their lives — about why they were still just as good, even though they were different.
A poor kid who went to a ritzy private school emphasized the advantages he did have, rather than the European vacations he missed out on. They seemed to understand that if no one else is okay with you, you have to be okay with yourself.
You have to be ready to embrace your weirdness. She joins forces with a girl named Yalo, and together they fight to restore order to the crooked kingdom. I felt most like the Olya of this story when I met Deana, a woman who, as a teen, immigrated from Belarus to a small Texas town as the daughter of a Russian mail-order bride.
Compared with hers, my childhood had been a breeze. She had to learn English as a teen, rather than as a toddler, as I did.
Her mother was living with a stranger whom Deana had to regard as her father. She had to build a new American life, with new American friendships, all while her fellow Americans were treating her like a freak. Meeting her was like meeting my Yalo, like seeing myself in a crooked kingdom, one in which my parents had immigrated a decade later and were making even more desperate choices. But like others I interviewed, she had a tendency to look at things in a big-picture, third-person way.
The idea is that people are better at working through their problems if they look at them with some remove. Solomon, for instance, was very wise, but his personal life was a mess. In other words, he could only solve problems when they belonged to other people. In , researchers from the University of Waterloo and the University of Michigan performed a series of studies that supported this paradox.
Similarly, many of the people I interviewed were better able to weather social slights when they viewed their situations less personally. They intellectualized their stigma, and like doctors delivering a harsh diagnosis, they gained a healthy distance from their stresses. Deana did this quite literally, by becoming a psychologist. Many channeled their energies toward helping others, like the female truck driver I met who made videos to help guide other young drivers, or the plus-sized modeling agent who felt she was empowering other overweight women.
By focusing on other people, their own social anxiety became less of a constant screech in their ears. So was I stirred, in the end, to love myself, just as weird as I am? But my unusual background has helped me in other ways. Even as I struggled socially, I developed empathy and listening skills that help me in my job. I also think I must have chosen a profession that allows me to see things as an outsider would.
Olga Khazan is a writer for the Atlantic. Her first book, Weird , was published by Hachette Books in April Our mission has never been more vital than it is in this moment: to empower through understanding.
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